Co-habitation: Once ok but twice is bad

Goodstein also points to this USA Today article on co-habitation.

As a minister I often see people who come into my office wanting to get married who share the same address. This stresses me out and I mention it to them because the data I've seen before indicates higher divorce rates for co habitaters. According to the article my stress is only partly founded. It depends on what kind of co habitater you are that matters. Women who live only with their eventual husband have a better chance of not divorcing than those who have serially co habitated and those who don't co habitate at all. Those who serially co habitate don't do well so the question I should ask is, "How many times have you co habitated" not "Have you co habitated."

I will need to get the study because I've got to wonder why this is true. I'm assuming it has to do with commitment levels. Those who are engaged are just starting their marriage early by co habitating. This has some historical precedent where marriage was a two step process that involved the marital bed and some sort of public recognition. Engaged co habitaters are simply consummating their marriage privately before making the public pronouncement. Serial co habitaters on the other hand, could be "testing" each other out with the option of either leaving or staying. When it doesn't "work" the first time they leave and go on to the next "test" until someone finally passes. Then, a few years later, it isn't working and so with a clearly established pattern, they leave the relationship to find one more fulfilling elsewhere. That's my guess but I'll have to find out.

The Trojan Horse

Anastasia Goodstein noted this little gem the other day. NPR has basically an op-ed saying that tossing the Trojan is the new engagement ring. Perhaps but I'm not sure that there is a lot of data to support what the young man is contending.

Regardless, it seems to me that the very idea of Trojan or not seems to miss the point of what Pendarvis Harshaw calls "healthy sexuality." Regardless of how Trojans actually got their name, I think there is a least an allusion to the infamous Trojan horse. Trojans protect the "city" from the little "soldiers" inside. Absent the Horse and the little soldiers run amok. The sign of healthy sexuality, at least for most time and places, is not that pregnancy doesn't occur but that it can occur because the partners are in a life long committed relationship that can support the birth of a new person. So I agree with Harshaw that couples should ditch the Trojans but they shouldn't do it because they are sure their partner doesn't have STD. They should do it because they are serious about committing to children in their future. I know that sounds old fashioned and naive but I think that to not hold couples to a standard based on the potential children rather than their own pleasure is to denigrate the challenge and hope of children while raising people with a self centered ethic.

Facebook growing up

I'm not a fan of MySpace because of the chaos. I can't read people's pages. I know some like creative anarchy but not me. That's why I'm a Facebook guy. I'm also a fan of new changes that are apparently coming regarding the spamming of apps and the amount of information that goes out on my feeds. Seems like it isn't real yet but you can preview here.

This should be a boon for folks like me who want to be friendly with my students and youth in my congregation but who also want to be an adult. Controlling these features will allow me, and them, to protect themselves while still interacting.

The Printing Press

In line with the last post, for the geeks out there fascinated with the rise of the book as a model of how new media emerges in society, there is a series of videos on Gutenberg. I found them at Tall Skinny Kiwi. They aren't short bits so prepare to spend a little while watching them. Give up a re-run of something to watch a documentary.

Re-mediated

Marko put me onto this website

Besides being quite cool in their own right, these images remind me of the remediation effect of old media being transformed by new media so that the old is not exactly the same but the new still depends on the old. When print first came into existence the type faces all looked like cursive writing because readers were not used to fonts such as Times New Roman. New, the printing press, transformed old, hand writing, into something that was different yet the same. For me, this is especially pronounced in video where the first standard TV shows looked like plays. Now, the old medium of plays has been sufficiently remediated to come into its own as a new form. Web 2.0 is further remediating that new form. The cycle continues.

Bustin' a Sag goes personal

A while ago I noted this article about youth pastors trying to stay hip past their younger years. In general I know that I'm not hip so this has not really caused me a problem. Recently however, my brother gave me some shoes that may push me into the bustin' a sag territory. Can I wear these shoes?

Web 2.0

In the waning days of my time here at St. Andrew's I'm doing some culture workshops with parents. I've been struggling to be relevant and practical but I think that it is working in general. I showed them this video last week and then we debriefed it. I was amazed at how connected I am. I had never reflected on the integration of the different forms of media that I use are. I do not use flickr which seems to be the biggest void in my media consumption. If you haven't seen this, certainly worth the 5 minute watch.